Cap Alley

Reprinted from the Vanderbilt Alumnus Magazine v1 n6 (April 1916): 9

Let us turn to the latest edition of "Who's Who."

"Cap Alley. Source and origin unknown. Widely noted as landscape gardner, special policeman, and custodian of the campus of Vanderbilt University. Has made 550 arrests. Has killed 14,395 sparrows. Has raked up approximately 600 long tons of leaves, and chased 2,500 bad boys an approximate distance of 11,050 miles."

We strolled around looking for Cap to see if all this was so. Out near the tennis courts we saw a lot of military preparations going on, commanded by a stoutish little man with hawk-eyes. Some workmen raked vigorously at the earth, probably getting the ground ready for some more of those barbed-wire defenses with which Cap has put the campus in a state of siege. Another crowd was busy cutting off the biggest limbs of the trees and plastering them up. Cap was looking after all this, while against a tree a trusty gun was leaning, the one with the fourteen-thousand-odd notches on it, ready for any cocky young sparrow that might get too familiar; while occasionally Cap had to stop and yell like a suffering rhinoceros at some little boys that kept prowling around. Thus he acted in all his capacities at once, yet he found time to answer a few questions.

"I've been here twenty-nine years ago next May the first at one o'clock," said Cap.

It will be remembered that Cap is a speaker of the extreme naso-nasal school.

Cap thought he had lived a useful and exciting life, having been after sparrows ever since he set foot on campus. He nearly always hits them, especially when he can get close enough. Doesn't run after any other birds, and doesn't want Mayfield interfering with his sparrows; knew all about sparrows before Mayfield was "knee-high to a pewee." That was how he took up landscape gardening.

We asked Cap about the time he arrested Harvey Pride and some other students just on general principles and took them up to Dr. Denny's house to be tried; and he said that was his own idea and you had to make boys behave any way you could. Cap admitted, "It's mighty hard for me to arrest my friends." We wanted to know about the time the Sewanee man put Cap off the field one Thanskgiving game, but Cap said that was a lie, and we dropped the subject.

We left Cap shooting at a sparrow and protecting the campus, as he has done "twenty-nine years ago next May 1 at one o'clock," and as we hope he will be doing twenty-nine years hereafter.